My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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