Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize