Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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