Taylor Swift is so right about you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
