Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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