She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
