Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize