hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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