Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
