I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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