if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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