Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
