there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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