they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
