Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
