The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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