We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
