Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
