I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
