If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't put those talents on a resume
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize