my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
