I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
