I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
