i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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