Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
