I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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