Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
