I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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