i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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