yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
