It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They took my balls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
