Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
