I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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