your parents love me but you hate me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
