I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
