He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
