just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize