Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
