oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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