I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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