I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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