Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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