Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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