My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize