in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
whose parrot is this?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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