Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
