you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
