I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Terrible idea I love it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
