Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
