everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Girls should come with a carfax report
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize