So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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