After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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