Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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