he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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