whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just blew my weed a kiss
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
