I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
