I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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