I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
