I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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