if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
