u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
jump out the window naked night went bad
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
