One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
