In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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