Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
