I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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