Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
