Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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