just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
