I need to stop coming to work sober
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love you. Go after that dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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