ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
