I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
