I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
