Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
