why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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