I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
