So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
