You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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