You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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