Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
